The sun (and moon) have set on "Eclipse"

Let the record show – “I’m SO over ‘The Twilight’”, as in “The Twilight Phenomenon”. I’ve read all the books, and I did enjoy them (except for the last one, which I think was only written for money and is basically softcore porn repackaged). I wasn’t Team Jacob, nor was I Team Edward; I’ve always been firmly Team Bella.

But after seeing “Eclipse”, I’m just done with the whole thing. These aren’t films anymore or even stories. They are just Mighty Marketing Juggernauts. It’s Fad Gone Wild, and I don’t want anything more to do with it.

Maybe the reason I’m over it is because I’ve grown up. When I read the books, I was in a totally different place in my life than I am now. Plus, everyone agrees that books are usually better than movies. I can forgive the poorly written dialogue in the books, because after all they are really young adult novels. They shouldn’t BE that great, and they aren’t. And I’ve always been an advocate of a female empowerment message, especially for young girls.

Translating it to film, however, is a whole other story. A friend of mine told me that the audience for “Eclipse” is 60% teenage girls, 20% cougar females, and 20% gay boys. I fit into none of these categories, and actually laughed out loud during Taylor Lautner’s entrance, where I felt the only thing missing was porn music. (Although, during my “New Moon” showing, there was a collective gasp when he took off his shirt for the first time, which I also found laughable.)

Is it a bad film? No – I’ve certainly seen worse. Is it a good film? Not really – I’ve certainly seen better. That’s why this column is a bit difficult to write – it’s always hard to do the “blah” films. The story is passable, but the dialogue is HORRENDOUS, and it’s delivered even worse. Kristen Stewart has gone from brooding to simpering, Pattinson is officially annoying and Lautner seems too young to really consider. They still haven’t improved the glistening effect of the vampires in the sun; and the meadow now has WAY too much yellow. And when did vampires become porcelain?

But before you think I’m completely negative about it, there are some good things. Each film in the series has brought a bigger budget, which is obvious. The effects are getting better. The wolves look awesome. The fight choreography seems better. The scenery is spectacular as always. I like the fact that this volume gives a back story on some of the supporting characters, and is a showcase for someone other than the Big Three to shine.

I know that they need one more film to tie up the plotline with the Volturri. Please note I said ONE, not two. That’s another example of milking it. I don’t care if Scorsese himself directs it – two films just aren’t needed.

But apparently more money is. I just don’t think the next one will get mine.