What's better than Theraflu? The Expendables!

I’m sick this week, which, as many people in my office can attest, makes me whiny. All I really want to do is curl up in a corner with my pink blankie, watch bad tv, and complain. I have the attention span and thought retention of a dishrag. But my mom raised me with the idea that if you go to school (or work) all week, you can go out on the weekends.

So off to the movies I went. What’s better than a whole bottle of Theraflu and a brand new box of Puffs Plus with Lotion? “The Expendables”!

The road to this showing was paved with good intentions but mixed with roadblocks. After buying tickets for an early show, I headed off to the bookstore, where I became absorbed by various reading materials, only to notice that it was 1:05 and my show started at 1:10. But I was sure that the crowd wouldn’t be that bad, and it wouldn’t be a problem - until I discovered that the theater (as small as it was) was already full.

Off to guest services…to exchange my tickets for a showing 30 minutes later. REFUSING to miss anything this time, I settle in at the benches by the theater. After ten minutes, I go in early and see a sign telling me LINE STARTS HERE. I’m the third person in line, only to find people bypassing the line and just entering the theater. (People like that piss me off!)

Wondering if the Cinematic Gods are hating me, I go in to a much bigger, mostly empty auditorium. But my bad mood seems to evaporate as the film starts (after what seems like dozens of trailers).

“The Expendables” was one of the summer movies that I most anticipated. Who wouldn’t love the cast? It’s a who’s who of action movies – current and past. I expected it to be one of those films where you buy your nachos and soda, sit down, suspend belief, and just go with the lack of a story.

Surprisingly enough, though, it’s much more.

I expected action, which I got in spades. The only thing missing was a body count ticker in the lower right (which REALLY should be on the DVD). There’s lots of blood, but refreshingly enough there isn’t any nudity or profanity. The film doesn’t take itself too seriously, which is always a plus. The one-liners fly almost as fast as the bullets. I had forgotten that Stallone has been Oscar-nominated for a screenplay. I laughed often. Even the cameos are used to the fullest extent. I had an absolute blast.

The only down side is that the choreography isn’t quite as good as it could be. Although the fights are dispersed between the stars, it’s sometimes hard to identify the participants. But I can forgive that.

Maybe next time I’m sick, instead of going to the closest corner, I’ll go to the nearest cineplex – right after I go to the pharmacy.