Don't be a Mimi!

I’m sure by now you’re all aware of the huge hype surrounding the new “it” film – “Paranormal Activity”. It’s tops at the box office, dethroned “Saw”, made several million dollars while only costing pennies to make, scarier than any movie EVER, could make you physically ill, and could be the greatest thing since pepperoni and pickles (not together, of course). You’ve just GOT to see it or basically the cinematic world will end.

Sorry, I’m not buying. I’ve been asked repeatedly if I was going to see it. I wanted to – then I didn’t. I thought it was a great marketing idea. Then I read it was already going to be wide – regardless of the internet buzz and felt scammed. But the kiss of death for me was when someone said “you need to see this in a theater”.

I have a big problem with that, because most moviegoers simply cannot hold their horror. I know that modern horror movies are supposed to be fun – and some are. I saw “My Bloody Valentine 3D” in a theater and loved it – along with the other twelve people in the audience.

But according to the box office, chances of my getting an audience like that are slim to none. Take my not-so-recent horror double feature pairing “Final Destination 3D” with Rob Zombie’s “Halloween 2” remake. FD (which wasn’t that great) was first. Directly behind my 6th row seat was a young lady I’ll call Mimi. You all know Mimi. She screams - CONTINUALLY. Mimi starting screaming at the 3D trailers, including Disney’s “A Christmas Carol”. That right there showed me that Mimi, or maybe I, was in the wrong place. This is FAR from an ideal cinematic experience.

I tried to drown Mimi out. The theater owners had the same idea by turning up the volume. I tried to concentrate on the film (not that there’s much to concentrate on). But there was no stopping Mimi. She yelled, talked back to the screen while hiding her eyes and acted like an idiot through the entire film. Given that 3D films are more expensive to see, I was NOT missing the movie because of her.

In contrast, the “Halloween” group, albeit smaller, didn’t say a peep. They gasped when appropriate, looked confused sometimes (see it and you’ll understand) and had an appreciation for Zombie mixed with David Lynch with a dash of Cronenberg. (The film is much better than expected by the way, and I’ll blog about it when it reaches DVD.)

So, to recap, will I see “Paranormal Activity”? Yes, I am – this Tuesday after work. (I can't have my cinematic world end, can I?) I’m hoping I’ll have the chance to get more into the film and less into the audience. I don’t really have high hopes - “Blair Witch” left me bored, not scared.
But please – if you see a horror movie in a theater, TRY to remember you’re not in your living room. And if you’re with a Mimi, have date night AT HOME.

Trick or Treat!

It’s almost Halloween! This week’s cinematic plate contains all kinds of tricks and treats.

First is a DVD release ironically called “Trick 'r Treat” - my new “must see” Halloween treat. Forget that tired, stale “Saw” dreck ; try something with a bit more bite. Modeled after the 80’s classic “Creepshow”, the film opens with comic book sketches and proceeds to tell a series of interlocking vignettes. Some faces are extremely familiar. In fact, the whole film seems familiar and nostalgic, but that’s part of its charm. The highlight is the pre-“True Blood” Anna Paquin as the Little Red Riding Hood with a wolfish spirit. I’ve learned this gem sat on the shelf for two years before finding a distributor. What a crying shame. But it’d be more of a crying shame if you didn’t see it. It’s good enough to redeem American horror in my book (for a while). ***

Halloween is never without tricks. After suffering through 45 minutes of “The Proposal”, I can say I’ve been tricked, but only by myself. Once in a great while I’ll watch a modern rom-com, hoping to find some intelligence or originality. Nope. Sandra Bullock plays Ryan Reynolds’ boss, who is about to get deported to Canada unless she coerces her assistant into marriage. Think Meryl’s Streep’s “The Devil Wears Prada” without any character. Reynolds was better in his “Wolverine” appearance (all ten minutes of it). Clearly the cast and the writers just wanted the paycheck. By the time they got to the fat guy stripping to Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s “Relax”, I was done. The only good thing to report is that the scenery in MASSACHUSETTS (not Alaska, as alleged) is beautiful. I should have bought a postcard. (unwatchable, and therefore unrated)

But please don’t think I’m a film snob – at least not until March. I did get a bona fide treat this week – a film I thought I’d hate that I actually enjoyed. Most of what passes for comedy these days doesn’t interest me – it’s juvenile, insulting or just stupid. But “Couples Retreat” (yes I did type that) is much better than I expected. I’ll give credit for that to Vince Vaughn. I figured the only reason to watch this was to see Vaughn and Jon Favreau ping off each other. It worked in “Swingers” and it works here. The plot isn’t much. Four couples go away to a couples resort to help one save their marriage. The other couples are along for the ride, even if that’s not the ride they initially selected. Anyone that’s been in any type of long-term relationship will appreciate the humor and the sentiment. It does go too cliché at times, this is still one Retreat I didn’t mind visiting. (***)

That’s it for this week. I’ve been asked repeatedly about “Paranormal Activity”, but that’s another blog for another day. Keep reading, because when it comes to film, I’ll ALWAYS have something to say!

"Trick 'r Treat", Rated R, 82 minutes
"The Proposal", Rated PG-13, 108 minutes
"Couples Retreat", Rated PG-13, 113 minutes

Characters Galore!

This week’s slate features three types of characters – those that are animated, those that are cartoonish and those that are foreign.

First up is the DC Comics’ “Superman/Batman – Public Enemies”. DC usually makes an effort to cast better-known TV actors in their direct to DVD comic-based features, and this one is no exception. Tim Daly, John C McGinley, Xander Berkeley and CCH Pounder all participated. Best to me was Allison Mack from “Smallville” finally getting her due as a superhero herself. But, as a veteran anime watcher, I have to say I was a bit disappointed. Although the effects were interesting, the animation didn’t always work for me. Action-wise, it’s fine. But the characters are too angular for my taste. The story held my interest, but could have been more fleshed out. I’m also all for Superman getting one-upped, albeit temporarily. Plus, considering Disney now owns Marvel, at least DC has a real studio behind it. **1/2

Second up is the fiasco known as “Jennifer’s Body”. I have no excuse as to why I watched this, and I felt cinematically unclean afterward. My only justification was curiousity regarding Diablo Cody’s horror-writing abilities. Unfortunately, there are none. At least she tried. The plot is as non-existent as the nudity the fan boys were dying to see. The soundtrack contains a plethora of 80s remakes; however they are massacred by other artists so badly it’s hard to even identify the source material. Did I mention Megan Fox yet? Megan Fox, who is so bad an actress even Michael Bay (hack that he was) called her out? The highlight of the film was seeing Fox get speared. (Hey, maybe they could put her on RAW to guest host and improve ratings!) Cody will redeem herself with other projects, notably “The United States of Tara”. Fox, however, is approaching beyond redemption. I’ll avoid mentioning Amanda Seyfried, as I’m forgetting her presence, for which I’m sure she thanks me.*

Third was “Martyrs”, a French horror film. In today’s climate of America regurgitating 80s horror or ripping off Asian horror, it’s usually more worthwhile to watch foreign horror. That being said, I’m still not sure what to make of this film. It’s disconcerting. Basically, a young girl with a violent and tortuous past (literally) goes on a quest of revenge, taking a friend of hers along for the ride. The plot gets a little difficult to follow and the subplots do get a bit on the ridiculous side, but I can’t recall the last time that I’ve been this intrigued and repelled by a film simultaneously. (Perhaps the “Funny Games” remake.) A few shots made me gasp. Others had me hiding my eyes. The worst part of the film was the ending, which I found ambiguous but stupid. This isn’t a film for the faint of heart, but I can appreciate gore in the right environment. It’s also redeeming that there is other horror out there – if you can stomach it. **1/2

“Superman/Batman: Public Enemies”, PG-13, 67 minutes
“Jennifer’s Body”, R, 102 minutes
“Martrys”, R, 99 minutes

Until next week, stay tuned. You never know WHAT I'll watch next! Take care.

October 7 - The journey begins!

Films featured:
"Every Little Step", Rated PG-13, 96 minutes
"The Girlfriend Experience", Rated R, 78 minutes
"500 Days of Summer", Rated PG-13, 95 minutes
"Tyler Perry's I Can Do Bad All By Myself", Rated PG-13, 113 minutes


Most of the films I’ve seen lately have been average at best. I simply have no patience to watch anything, because nothing really draws my attention. But now I have the internet, which allows me to seek out the films that I want to see. Being a true film freak, there are many.
This week’s cinematic journey took me all over the map. I happily report that the trip was affordable, and for a change, worthwhile.

I started with “Every Little Step”, the documentary about the Broadway revival of “A Chorus Line”. This was one of those “Oh yeah – I wanted to see that” films I had almost forgotten. Told through archival footage, the film alternates between the original production and the casting of the new one. Even though I’ve never been to a Broadway show, it’s easy to see how much these dancers give for their craft. The only downside is that parts look (pardon the pun) staged, like a reality show. But by the time they make it down from the original 3000 auditions to the finals to the actual Opening Night chorus line, I found myself cheering and singing along. ***1/2

From there I went to Adventureland (not that one, been there, done that, wasn’t all that) and watched “The Girlfriend Experience”. This is a recent Stephen Soderbergh effort, and it’s one of his more odd pieces. Only 78 minutes long, it tells the story of a female escort as she goes about her life. Eventually her “home life” and “personal life” cannot coexist. The biggest hype about this film was the casting of Sasha Grey as the lead. Yes, she made a living in the adult film industry. Yes, she can deliver lines. However, her delivery is wooden. I found it difficult to decide whether that was because the character is supposed to be so matter-of-fact, or because the writing just didn’t work. I also couldn’t understand whether I was supposed to feel sorry for her or not. In the end, I decided it didn’t matter. Although I respect the attempted “Experience”, it didn’t really do that much for me. **

Next stop was one of the highlights of the summer film slate, “500 Days of Summer”. This one had a great deal of favorable press, tauted as the “anti-rom com”. Given my hatred of rom-coms, I had extremely high expectations which were almost completely met. The film is realistic and honest. It uses the same technique as “Girlfriend” by telling events out of sequence. However, here there is a counter telling you what day you’re on. I found the characters completely believable due to the combination of good writing and solid performances of Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. With one small exception of a misplaced song and dance number, it was a great non-rom-com romp. The short run time of 95 minutes means that the film doesn’t have time to meander; I found the length perfect. It’s like a piece of watermelon – there might not be much there, but it’s fun while you enjoy it. ***1/2

To close out the cinematic trip, I ended on a downer. Tyler Perry’s latest effort, “I Can Do Bad All by Myself”, has led me to believe that Perry’s formula may be growing long in the tooth. I’ve liked the last few Perry films a great deal, and I thought he was finally stretching. Unfortunately, I was wrong. There is far too much stereotyping. The thing that I like best about Perry’s films is that I can always relate to the characters, but they’ve all gotten too cookie-cutter. Taraji P. Henson plays a woman who lives a shallow life until a tragedy forces her to grow up and take responsibility, and of course becomes fulfilled with a bevy of solid relationships. A friend of mine told me that it could be the African-American version of “Raising Helen”. She was right – and she hadn’t even seen the film! **

All in all, there is cinematic hope. It will indeed get better. Tune in next week (or whenever I get around to doing this), and please join me for the next installment of my never-ending cinematic saga. Till then, take care and have a glorious day.

She's back - or maybe she never really left!

Welcome back to me!

It's that time of year. Not just football season (although that's enough of a reason to rejoice, especially for Colts fans everywhere), but it's also the pre-Oscar race. And that's enough of a reason for me to start my blog again.

My friends and co-workers have been asking me my opinion on films for years. I don't delude myself to think that my opinions matter all that much. But I do think that most people find my opinions amusing, and in most cases far too critical. I've been told that I pay far too much attention to silly things like directors, writing, scenery and actors who can act.

But that's just me - geek extraordinaire that I am. I'm pretty well-rounded. I love to read (including comic books), and I watch far too much television. (On-demand could be one of the best things ever invented.) I finally figured out that I'm ok with what makes me unique, and I'm not going to change these things, although they may change themselves in time.

Unfortunately, I'm sure I won't post here as much as I would like. I don't really get to the theater much anymore, but thanks to Netflix, Redbox, and the internet, I'll watch as much as I can. I do have a day job, and there's always more to watch. My reviews may not be precise, but they will be honest.

But I do admit that I have biases. Everyone does. I feel it's important when one starts something like this that you know what I'm like from the very beginning. That way you can't say that you weren't warned.

What I like: strong writing, performances I can believe, realism, the absence of the big red bow tying up loose ends, not being spoonfed by a director, and Audrey Hepburn.

What I don't like: romantic comedies, stuff that blows up for no good reason, moronic comedy, things that insult my intelligence, Kate Hudson (I am well aware that's redundant), and the New England Patriots.

I think older movies are usually superior to newer ones, even though I stipulate that there are many I haven't seen that probably aren't - and that applies to both sides of the argument. I think there aren't enough good movies today and you have to look too hard for those that qualify. I think that just because I film is nominated for an Oscar doesn't mean it's good. I believe that a cineplex that shows Cinematic Masterpieces can also have one arthouse showing. Arthouse doesn't mean good and a summer movie doesn't have to be bad.

Genre-wise, my tastes seem to be changing as much as I am. I am getting older. Pushing 40 seems to have changed me a bit. I'm more open now. Sci-fi can indeed be written well. Films can be entertaining and still be great. I also believe that Michael Bay did indeed redeem himself with "Transformers" and I haven't had as much fun in a theater all year. I believe that IMAX is fantastic, but the film has to compliment the technology. I have a soft spot in my heart for horror movies, but I think the best horror isn't in the US.

But I still don't believe that Nic Cage can act. Let's get that straight RIGHT NOW.

This may not really be a defined set of reviews. It may end up just being a catalogue of my cinematic experiences - regardless of whether they're in a theater, in my living room, or on my laptop. I have a tendancy to watch things in spurts, so you might get 4 films one week and then only 1 per week for a month after. I'll try to fit in all genres and both foreign and domestic films. I'll also take requests, so if you have something you want my take on, feel free to ask.

So, in closing, if you're still interested, feel free to keep reading. I'll add when I can. If you aren't, then thanks for stopping by and have a glorious day.