Films That Suck.

I concede that I’m a sucker for box office hype. Be it good or bad, if people are talking about a film I’m usually interested. I’m even enough of a total dork to predict the Oscar nods AND pick the Razzie “winners” as well.

So this week’s topic is films that suck – literally and figuratively.

First on the slate is the box office juggernaut “The Twilight Saga: New Moon”. Before you ask, yes I have read the books and NM is my hands down favorite. I went to see this on a Saturday at 11:00 AM with some female friends from work. I also admit that while snickering at the suburbanites marking out at the sight of Jacob shirtless or Edward’s glittering, I thought the film was great. It was faithful to the book, told a great story, ended on a decent stop, and left me eagerly anticipating “Eclipse”.

I watched “Twilight” the week of NM’s release, and it’s pretty obvious the difference between a studio not having money and dumping LOADS of money. The effects were much better in this film. I also thought that it’s more character driven. It’s more about Bella than anything else, which is fine by me. Also for the record, I’m neither Team Edward nor Team Jacob – I’m Team Bella, something that I’m surprised they haven’t thought of yet. For those that claim this is a teen film, try again. My audience was firmly in my age bracket, thank goodness.

Next is the alleged Oscar darling “Precious: (long title I don’t want to type)”. Each year has one Best Pic nominee I hate with a passion – I’ve gotten this year’s entry out early. This film was just stupid. I don’t care what celebrity endorses it this is NOT a good film. Story – nonexistent. Acting – Sadly lacking. Gimmick casting – check, and still stupid. I understand that there are many Preciouses in the world. But if you need to have this film tell you that, perhaps you need to read some more newspapers or pay closer attention. This film is either understandable or interesting. There’s NO back story – no motivation for any of the characters. The film is as disjointed as Precious’ ridiculous daydreams.

I could go off on a Dennis Milleresque Rant here, but for this film to be an Oscar front runner is just wrong. I will play the race card here – if this girl wasn’t African American, this film would be on Lifetime (which is exactly where it should be in my opinion). I have a friend who is African American who told me that the accolades of this film are “white people guilt”. I wholeheartedly agree with her. People keep saying that the lead actress did a great job. She may have, but most of the time I couldn’t understand what she was saying. There’s no connection anywhere – not between the characters, and certainly not with the audience. In fact, this review is also as all over the place as the film.

But, you know, it does follow one of the newer Oscar “rules” – films with illiterate women score BIG. So I’m sure that the film will mop up all the awards. Too bad it’s getting the wrong ones, because I’d clearly give this a Razzie nod instead.

“The Twilight Saga: New Moon”, PG-13, 130 minutes, ***
“Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire”, R, 110 minutes , blank